Feedback on my Story Concept?

Do you have a story for a manga you'd like to share or talk about? Then this is the place to be.

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pearlybones
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Joined: Mon May 23, 2016 1:08 am

Feedback on my Story Concept?

Post by pearlybones » Mon May 23, 2016 1:16 am

Hi everybody, I just made an account so I'm brand new to this site. I have a prologue draft to a manga that my sister and I are writing and I would love some feedback on if this is something people are interested in seeing this concept become reality. There are two main characters, but what I have below is sort of a description of the world that they live in because its in a fantasy/alternate universe.


Prologue:
This world a place where people, due to genetics, and environmental factors, and a hint of chance, can exhibit strange and awesome changes in their physiology that make them an ‘other’ in society. There are three categories called ‘natures’ in which certain traits are divided into, depending on those genetic factors. Based on the trophic levels of an ecosystem, there are producers, consumers, and decomposers. Every human fits into one of these three natures, but nearly all people have only an extremely low percentage of phenotypic expression of it and are considered ‘normal’ and no threat to societal norms.
Each of the three natures can manifest itself in a wide variety of ways but they have some consistencies with regard to the category’s core essence. At a low or average percentage, a person’s nature will present itself as one or more personality traits. Low level producers, because of their propensity to create and assemble, do well in factory settings, agriculture, child care, education, construction, and engineering.
Low level Consumers excel in fields including business, energy production, demolition, and competitive sports (especially ones that are not team based). Statistically a high percentage of consumers are involved in criminal activity and big business/politics due to their desire to get ahead of others and for power and money.
Low level decomposers are a highly varied bunch and are extremely adaptable. They can range in careers from janitorial duties and waste management to public relations. Decomposers, who can be skilled at manipulating others for their own or someone else’s benefit also make exceptional lawyers. Although stereotypes exist, there is overlap in each nature, which is to say there is good and bad in each category and no one nature is to be condemned as bad.
Extreme, or “high percentage” producers, consumers, and decomposers have their nature expressed at a much greater intensity. Along with enhanced naturistic personality traits, physical mutations can also occur that gives a person unique abilities and special skills. All high percentage people, or ‘hypers’ are reported to be under the jurisdiction of the federal government and great measures are taken to ensure that these people are not able to communicate with each other in order to keep them from using their abilities form an uprising to demand civil liberties. Hypers are forcefully collected and some become subject to inhumane experiments for the pursuit of medical and military technology. Citizens are aware of this and generally support the round-ups of these kinds of people, seeing them not as humans, but they are unaware of the true purpose of such government intervention. They tell the public lies such as they are used for medical studies to cure disease and that these people would cause havoc if left among the people. There are activist groups in favor of better treatment of high percentages but even among those groups the consensus is that these people must still be controlled in government run facilities away from the general public where their actions can be monitored.

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FirstBorn
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Re: Feedback on my Story Concept?

Post by FirstBorn » Mon May 23, 2016 9:33 am

Hi pearlybones,

Welcome to the forum. I must admit we're not that active anymore, but thanks for posting your story anyway.

I really like the story concept. This explains the world the story will place in pretty good. I like it how it different enough to be an alternate universe, but close enough to reality.

So now the world is set. Who are the (anti-)heroes?

Prototype
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Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2017 3:51 am

Re: Feedback on my Story Concept?

Post by Prototype » Fri Feb 03, 2017 4:13 am

Hi pearlybones. I was skeptical at first about your story, because it seemed like a thinly-veiled version of real life. But as I read, I started to become excited about your idea. You really fleshed out a good story. I would love to critique the first page of your script if you have it.

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