Throw Away

Do you have a story for a manga you'd like to share or talk about? Then this is the place to be.

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Zadenwings
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Throw Away

Post by Zadenwings » Sat Aug 28, 2010 5:07 am

Well I am doing a manga, and trying to get practice in, and I wanted to know how was this very short writing sounded??? Please give feedback its needed...

The Sky Fell
by ~ZadenWings

Script By: Alexandria Golden



You see a boy standing on a cliff looking on to a city that is desecrated.

Unknown Boy: Yesterday the sky fell???

He turns his back away, and you see from miles away dead bodies behind him.

Unknown Boy: It was like it was raining bombs, and there was no where we could hide,

The boy looks down, and a tear falls.

Unknown Boy: and when I opened my eyes

The boy looks up and his tears are blood coming from his eyes.

Unknown Boy: the sky had left us all behind.

(Please poll and please give feedback too.)

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Zephio
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Post by Zephio » Sun Aug 29, 2010 1:29 am

An interesting concept and a cool way to start. It definitely grabbed my attention. My only thought is to not have the boy be saying that in speech bubbles. You understand that the boy is the one saying it; having his lips move and whatnot will lose the epicness of the scene....or at least I think so.

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Zadenwings
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Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 6:49 am
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Post by Zadenwings » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:56 am

Thank you ^_^

Zephio wrote:An interesting concept and a cool way to start. It definitely grabbed my attention. My only thought is to not have the boy be saying that in speech bubbles. You understand that the boy is the one saying it; having his lips move and whatnot will lose the epicness of the scene....or at least I think so.

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