First Page?

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Vio
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First Page?

Post by Vio » Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:18 am

So I've decided to take a crack at making an online manga (just for fun and practice at drawing, mind you!) and so far I've decided on this for the first page. I know that there's a lot to work on (The feet are not okay at all for example, and I need to add shading and such to the chains) but how would this be for a first page? Would this be attention grabbing? What kind of mood would it set? Critique on the drawing itself is also appreciated.
Also, I'm a bit new to mangaworkshop, so if I'm breaking a rule I wasn't aware of (I did read them) by posting this, please notify me!

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MangaDude
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Re: First Page?

Post by MangaDude » Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:19 am

Hey Vio!
Welcome to Mangaworkshop! I think it is a great idea to start a web comic. I am working on one right now (shameless self promotion)!
I really like the background effects that you used on the wall. It is colored nicely as well. Just remember, it is easy to lose steam the farther you get into the comic. I do like that you chose color to grab attention right off the bat! Don't be afraid to switch over to black and white in a few pages. As for the drawing, I can tell you have experience due to the linework, really nice job. You could maybe add some text so we know what is going on in the first page. Judging purely on aesthetics, it looks great! Keep them coming!

MangaDude

Vio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Vio » Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:13 am

Ah, thank you. I always have to make my own lineart since I'm not so good with a tablet. ^_^
I think that I want to try and keep it all in color since I don't have any experience with toning or black and white images (as far as digital work goes). It'd probably be better to learn since it can take me a day to color this kind of page, but I want to get better at coloring along with drawing and lineart ^^;
(Your shameless self promotion worked by the way ^^; )
Do you really think text would help? I have no idea if I'd be able to find anything to put here, in fact there's almost no dialogue or words at all during the first few pages! Yikes, do you think that might become an issue that would deter readers?

MangaDude
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Re: First Page?

Post by MangaDude » Sat Mar 09, 2013 12:54 am

I would say no text could be confusing but not always lol. It is definitely more tricky to do a comic with little to no words, you just have to pay extra close attention to the poses and flow of the comic. Sometimes, a lack of words are more powerful than descriptions. It just depends if everyone "sees" what you see. So, for your first page, I think you did a good job. I see a girl in chains. We don't know why. Maybe shes super powerful and needs to be bound (hence the weird design in the back). This page adds just enough mystery and information to want to know more (: it is just when you have 5 panels and no words that it gets confusing. If you post a couple more pages, we can see where your story is going. As for black and white, it is IMO a lot easier than color. You did the hard part first lol. It makes it good if you have a program specifically made for rendering black and white. Manga studio is good (and cheap too now that its on sale because version 5 is coming out). Don't expect to spend like 30 min on a BW piece though. My BW manga pages take a whole day (usually 3-5 hours to tone). KEEP IT UP! AND POST MORE!!!!!

Vio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Vio » Sat Mar 09, 2013 1:32 am

I will certainly post more! I'll definitely need opinions on if it's confusing, but I'm glad that the picture gives off mystery. After doing some names it seems that it'll be about six pages before there is dialogue. However some pages have two panels! I'll need to learn paneling, then ^^;
Maybe someday when I'm in a better position to actually spend a dime, I'll invest in manga studios, as it sounds pretty cool.
Thanks for your advice, I'll try to work hard on getting those six pages finished so that I can put them up and get some more in depth feed back ^_^

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major banana
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Re: First Page?

Post by major banana » Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:39 pm

6 pages without dialogue, that's a lot of space. Don't lose pacing. Text is also used to steer the readers eye or to keep him longer on a panel.

About the first page, check your light sources a bit, they're all over the place. I don't know if she's hanging (her arms say she's not) or standing (her feet say she's not). I hate when people use gradients or blur filters like that, but that's just my preference. It also looks unfinished. Some of the walls lineart looks great and then it just stops towards the middle, but the coloring continues being all 3d, without lineart. The chains are not lined either.

If you want to grab attention, grab it with an awesome cover. Then you don't have to worry about ruining your first page with attentiongrabbing stuff and you can keep the mood any way you like.

MangaDude
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Re: First Page?

Post by MangaDude » Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:31 pm

Major bananas, I like the background, I think she is radiating light. If thats the case then the light sources are correct (although all art is a matter of opinion lol). And I do agree, it is helpful to have a flashy cover page to draw attention. I also agree with the text situation (very very hard to do without text).

Vio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Vio » Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:02 am

Ah, yes the light source is both above and behind. I am trying to convey her being somewhat suspended by the chains, but that gave me a lot of trouble (since I wanted to convey a lot of tightness in the chains, but it didn't end up showing much).
I didn't use a gradient, where do you mean?
And yea, but it is sort of a prologue anyway... my problem is that having text makes no sense...

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major banana
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Re: First Page?

Post by major banana » Tue Mar 12, 2013 10:21 am

It's the white light blobs on the stones. Yea it's not bad at all, i guess i was looking at it the wrong way.

Well you can make her more 'hanging' by drawing her head floppy. Kinda like jesus on a cross. Or by having her bend her knees and her feet just laying on the floor like she doesn't have strength left. If she's hanging off the ground like in your drawing, i'm pretty sure her shoulders are gonna come loose in no time and she'd slump down anyway.

Or slap a shadow under her feet and let her stand up for an instant easy fix.

Vio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Vio » Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:08 pm

Hm, I'm not letting her stand for certain reasons of no practical value. I can't exactly draw a head hanging since I'm kinda really bad at that sort of thing (I can try, but I don't believe I'll come up with anything that looks good.)
I might try to make her farther off the ground to make it more obvious, as well as rework the arms/shoulders. I don't entirely know what you mean by the shoulders coming loose, but maybe I can manage something more real looking.
And yea, those stones are a bit of a mess. They'd be better if I illustrated them traditionally beforehand and then rendered them, but I made them straight on the computer, instead. I'll rework those as well. (Blurring the shading is a bad habit of mine, probably to try and cover up how sloppy I really am about shading)
And if you even can look at it the wrong way, I'm not doing my job very well, so hopefully I can rework this alright. ^^;

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Zephio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Zephio » Wed Mar 13, 2013 4:59 am

I think it's a good first page. There are some mistakes that have been mentioned, but overall it's not bad at all. Personally, I think to judge if it's a good first page, I gotta see the rest of the comic. The image is attention grabbing, but I can't say it's attention grabbing enough for 5 more pages without dialogue (until I see them).

Post some more soon!! (They don't have to be all in color either)

Vio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Vio » Wed Mar 13, 2013 8:52 pm

Maybe I'll post the lineart, and if you guys are able to suggest fitting dialogue when I put them up, please do! I know it's a lot of silence after all x_x
Thank you for your input so far Q w Q

Peptalk
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Re: First Page?

Post by Peptalk » Tue Apr 09, 2013 7:11 pm

Great art and I like the detail of the picture. I've been reading a manga for a while that might help because it is all in color. It is called Noblesse. Check it out if you ever want a reference.
Onee

Vio
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Re: First Page?

Post by Vio » Thu Jun 27, 2013 4:13 pm

Thanks for everyones input, I'm sorry that I haven't delivered those six pages, but things suddenly got very busy without much warning. I have a little bit more time starting next week, so hopefully I'll be able to get a rough draft of them. It kills me that I've taken so long since you've all been so nice and given such solid advice!
Also, probably will redo the first page since I think I can do better ^^; but rough drafts first!

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